My husband was thankfully able to spend about 20 days at home for bonding time once our baby arrived. I was beyond grateful that he was able to spend that special time with us before he had to return back to work. However, I was deeply dreading him not being home with me all day. I had started getting so used to everything being a team effort all day that I was really relying on him. The morning he left for work I cried, I was not only a little nervous but I had also gotten spoiled to spending everyday all day with my best friend. As a new mom I was nervous to do my normal daily things such as shower and get ready or drive alone with our daughter for the first time. Now given time we have totally conquered all of those things and I look back and laugh but in that moment of newness it seemed like a lot!
Although the days went by fast they also seemed long and tiring. The first couple weeks I had this feeling of envy. I felt like he was getting this “break” and I was at home slaving away. Now let me give you a quick glance into my husbands lifestyle. He is ocd, does the dishes, likes to cook, so helpful with our daughter and might I add this man cleans our home bathrooms and I mean DEEP CLEANS. I consider myself extremely blessed. I want to shed light on that not to brag about him but to show you that he does a lot in our home and it’s not just me. After having a baby your hormones are crazy and I was learning to cope with all the changes. Whether giving birth or adopting the feelings around the table are the same; being a new mom is a lot of work. I laugh now but there were nights I would try to be loud to wake my husband up when I had to feed our daughter because I was jealous that he was sleeping and I was having to wake up to change and feed. Then I would feel guilty inside that I even felt this way when I personally knew so many women that would love to be able to wake up and feed a baby in the night but couldn’t because of infertility. I would have this feeling of resentment in the morning when he would say “I’m just so tired” and not want to get up… listen here buddy… you think you’re tired!? It was like it was this ridiculous competition in my mind. Ya’ll I was slowly sliding down a hill that I was ashamed of. This man works his butt off every single day to provide for us. He isn’t leaving everyday getting a “break” but entering into a stressful environment working long hours. Inside I didn’t want to feel the way and so I did the only thing I knew would save me from all this mess, PRAY. I continued to ask the Lord to restore my heart and mind. After praying and communicating these feelings things started to get better. I had moms who were sharing these same things with me and I realized we were all in the same boat and just needed each other and encouragement. I love social media for this because it has allowed an outlet to gain resources and converse with other moms. I say all of this to say you’re not alone. In those moments when you feel like you have nothing left to give just remember tomorrow is a new day. I started changing my mindset and making a point to put my phone down and love on my husband/spending time with him in the evenings. Even though I might have been tired, I felt refreshed after because it’s so healthy to spend that time with your spouse. Take every opportunity given and create ones when life seems too busy. Dance in the kitchen while dinner is cooking, take a family walk, stay up and share new dreams and life talks. The littles moments will make the biggest impacts. Start each day with a thankful heart because we really never know how long we have with someone. I make a choice each day to let the little dumb things slide and instead show love and grace. Stay encouraged; YOU are a GREAT mom and wife! Remember it truly takes a village, coffee, and a whole lot of Jesus to raise a family!